Personal Witness - September 28, 2008

My name is Robert.

You probably remember that about two months ago Pastor Tom told the congregation that I had completed the church membership class.

At that time… I had also received the approval of the Session… as a member of Covenant Presbyterian Church.

I wanted to wait until the time was right to place myself before you… and I thank you for your acceptance.

The time is now right. The purpose of my witness to you… is my hope that the Holy Spirit will take my words… and do its work in each of your hearts.

My time with you is limited… I could easily talk the Congregation to sleep. I promise I won’t do that and I will try to keep it to five minutes. If it’s ok, I’d like the 5 minute clock to start now J… Pastor Tom… please give me a one minute warning of sorts if it looks like I’m running long. If I can’t finish on time, I might have to continue at a later date.

I’m in my mid 40’s.

I have a wonderful wife. She is the best companion and friend God could have given me in the whole world.

I had a rewarding career as a systems engineer working for the Boeing Company. I was gifted to partake in conceptualizing some of the most interesting, futuristic, satellite systems you couldn’t possibly think of.

God has blessed me with good fortune for most of my entire adult life.

You probably see me nearly every Sunday… limping into Church… wearing bicycle gloves on my hands.

My hands feel like they are in the flame of a stove and I can’t pull them out. Every step I take feels like having nails being driven through my feet. The gloves are to protect my hands from touch, which makes the burning worse.

I frequently forget and offer my full hand for a welcome handshake. Several of you have seen the effect of a proper handshake. The typical result is my immediate pulling my hand away in severe pain. If you provided a proper handshake and I didn’t react fast enough, the pain would come close to bringing me to my knees...well it really has brought me to my knees or doubled me over on many occasions. The worst offender I must say is Pastor Tom.

What you probably don’t know is that behind what you see on the outside, I am a real mess on the inside as well. I’ve been one for more than six years now.

What I am about to tell you is not to whine or expect any special treatment from any of you.
It is to let you know how God is working in my life, despite my problems.

I have been a Christian since before I can remember. I’m sorry to say that in the past 25 years or so, prior to finding Covenant, I attended Church probably fewer times than I have fingers.
I have had unbreakable faith, but it was stagnant inside me. I didn’t even pray very often in those years.

Since I was afflicted with this pain condition known as Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy or Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, my life has been turned upside down and inside out.
My identity has been scrambled in a way similar to that of a 1000 piece puzzle being taken apart.

Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy causes the sympathetic nervous system to run out of control. That’s the autonomic system that does things like maintain your body temperature.
It causes you to experience pain far in excess of any injury. This pain continues even after the triggering injury heals. If not diagnosed and treated in the first six months RSD becomes pretty much incurable.

My doctors have told me that it would be an “act of God” for me to get better. My reply has always been that I believe in “acts of God”.

The level of pain is medically described as being many times that of one suffering end stage cancer. This pain is always there. The strongest pain medications provide only a little relief.
Beyond the pain, this affliction has caused severe anxiety and depression, memory problems, severe insomnia, GIRD, and other secondary problems.

The medications to combat the pain aggravate the depression, cause nausea much of the time, aggravate the memory problems, and cause physical dependence. If I forget to take a pill or change a Fentanyl patch, I quickly go into withdrawal, which is very unpleasant.

The extended disability associated with my condition has led to my termination from Boeing.
Most of my identity was based on my science, engineering, and math skills. All of these skills have been significantly degraded as a result of my condition.

The loss of my identity has “broken”… or “deconstructed” me. God has essentially erased who I was with respect to my identity. He has placed the pieces of my jigsaw puzzle, that I was, in a box.

I am scared…no…I’m beyond scared…maybe terrified is a better word.

I don’t know who I am or who I will become. I do know that God has put that Jigsaw puzzle away and has provided me a new puzzle to piece together.

That being said, there is more to this story. I promise sometime in the coming months to continue my story. I will talk about how these seemingly awful things have, in reality, been a blessing…but that will have to wait for another day.

I am really glad to be here and really glad to be a part of Covenant………Amen and Amen